Time Line

When I was in sixth grade, my teacher gave us this assignment. We were to create a personal time line of our lives' events. The fun part of the assignment--we didn't just include past events--we got to include future events as we suspected them to happen. When I was finished with the project, I had created the time line of the perfect life. Aside from my past achievements (learning to walk, learning to speak), I predicted I would get my driver's license on my 16th birthday, I'd graduate from high school in 2002, I'd graduate from college in 2006, I'd graduate from veterinary school in 2010, and I'd be married the same year (to a man with a mustache). In 2012, I would give birth to twin girls, Jodi and Jasmine. Surely, I would retire sometime in the year 2049. I planned by death date one day short of my 100th birthday (I've always been one for irony).

I hung that time line up in my room for quite some time and I thought warmly of this perfect little future.

But life happens. I didn't get my driver's license until after my 17th birthday because I was always too busy with theater and church events to practice my driving. My high school graduation date was predetermined, but I wore a different color cap and gown from the picture I drew in 6th grade. I graduated from college in 2006 as predicted, but I didn't immediately go into veterinary (or any grad school for that matter) school. It's already 2009, but I'm already married. And he doesn't have a mustache.

I've just been rejected (again) for grad school. I'm old enough to know that life doesn't always follow the path that we'd like it to take, but I honestly feel very lost at the moment. I don't know what my next step should be.

Being rejected from school, when it's the thing you want most in the world at the moment, isn't just hard. It's soul crushing. I am listless. I have very little motivation. I feel out of control. When I found out, I threw on my running clothes and ran until my lungs burned and my heart was threatening to jump out of my chest. I got in my car and cranked the music so loud the windows shook. I drowned out my thoughts.

I'm seeking salvation. I could win the lottery. I could drink myself under the table. I could have a baby. I could write the great American novel. I could start my own business. Anything at this point to define myself and give my life purpose.

I'm blessed, I know. I have a loving husband who would jump through hoops of fire just to see me smile. I have a family who loves me despite everything. I have a roof over my head. But I still can't help feel like a failure. The time line still haunts me.

It's already 2009. How am I supposed to go to grad school, establish a career, and have twin baby girls before my 29th birthday?

~LOVE~

The Stars Align

So, as far as an update regarding my last post--my plum tree currently has about five tiny white blossoms on it. Nothing to report in regards to the peach tree. My lemon tree is COVERED is just-about-to-bud blossoms. I'll keep you all updated on that situation. My pomegranate tree has a few leaves on it now, too.

Last night, the stars aligned in the most amazing way. Both of my tutoring appointments were cancelled AND Fernando's class got cancelled. So after work, I stopped by Urban Home and ended up buying a kitchen table. It's counter-height, European-rustic looking, and comes with four sizable and comfortable chairs. It should be ready for pick-up next week. I am so excited to finally be getting a kitchen table. Now I get to pick out place mats! After paying for my table, I headed home. Fernando and I pulled into the driveway at the same time. We decided that in honor of our both being home early on a weekday, and the fact that it was still light outside, we were going to do a BBQ. We swung by Albertsons and bought some vittles. For dinner, we made Angus beef hamburgers with Muenster cheese, avocado, and all the fixings. We also threw some zucchini on the grille. It was a delicious dinner! We capped off the night with a new episode of The Office.

My grad school application has been into Cal State Long Beach for two weeks now. I still have at least four more weeks to wait until I discover my fate. If I do get in, my first day of classes will be August 31st. I have been charmed by the idea of going back to school. Mostly because this means I'll finally be able to quit my day job. If I get in, I think my last day will be August 1st. This will free me up to go camping with my family in August, a luxury I was going to miss if I kept working. I'll still going to be tutoring in the summer, so I think taking a whole month off will be financially do-able (not to mention a dream come true).

Two weeks from now, I'll be preparing to board a plane to Las Vegas for Yvonne's bachelorette party bonanza. I am thrilled about this mini-vacation. I'll be taking a half-day from work that Friday, and my dad has agreed to drop me off at the Burbank airport so I can catch my flight. All the girls are staying together at the Luxor. The first night will be the "official" party night with games and drinks and presents, followed by a night at the new LAX club inside the Luxor. The second night will be themed. All of us girls have been asked to wear "little black dresses." We're doing a nice sit-down dinner at the P.F. Chang's inside the Planet Hollywood and following that up with a night at the Pure nightclub inside of Caesar's Palace. This will be somewhat of a pricey weekend for me, but I've pre-paid for a lot of it (including my flight, hotel, outfits, gifts for Yvonne, etc) over the past couple of months, so I think the expenses incurred over the actual weekend won't get out of hand. As you can tell, I am very excited!

More house news--we're finally getting a washer and dryer on Monday! One of Fernando's vendors from work is having a crazy sale on scratch and dent pieces. We're only paying about $300 for a matching, front-loading washer/dryer combo! Also, we've decided to go ahead and re-do the smaller bathroom (the one attached to our bedroom). My dad already ripped out the sink and built-in cabinets. Even though we're loosing storage space, switching to a pedestal sink is going to make it seem a lot more luxurious. I'm thinking a white and soft mint/teal color combination will work well--a smooth transition from the taupe and white in our bedroom.

Did I mention that I'm less than a month away from my week-long trip to NYC? Not only do I get to see my BFF, Tanya, but I get to spend a week with Kenia. Also, my sorority sister, Daisy, will be in NYC the same week as me, so we're definitely going to spend some time together. And finally--Danny is going to fly into NYC for the first weekend that I'm going to be there. It will be a Cal Poly, SLO reunion in the middle of New York City!

~LOVE~

I Can Feel It

Spring is almost here (March 20th to be exact). The fruit trees in my backyard haven't started blooming yet and I'm beginning to worry. Shouldn't they be blooming now? I want plum tree blossoms--my favorite kind--they are white and smell like fruit.

My dad drove all the way to Long Beach today to drop off my grad school application. What a guy. Seriously though, I owe him dinner and a beer. He has proven once again his G-status. Actually, I owe a lot of people thank yous for helping with my application (Shelley, Jeannie, Dr. Clark, and Karen Herwig specifically). If I get into the program there, I'll have a fun, fun, fun, 110-mile long (round trip) car ride to look forward to a few times a week. Cross your fingers, folks!! If I don't get in, I'll probably cry, or go to bartending school. One or the other. Or both. Good thing I have Las Vegas and NYC to distract me during the next couple of weeks while I wait for word from CSULB.

Is anyone looking forward to Daylight Savings Time as much as me?

~LOVE~

The Economy . . .

. . . is so depressing. So many of my friends have been laid-off, been given pay-cuts, cuts to hours, etc. This is a shitty time in our nation's (and world's history).

Even my favorite talk radio station is getting reformatted into a non-talk radio station because spinning Jonas Brothers records is worth more than wit.

How much longer can we hang on?

~LOVE~

My Quarter Century Celebration(s)

Well, my 25th birthday has come and gone already, but the party is just beginning.

This past weekend I was up in SLO for the Upsilon Class crossover (we welcomed four new sisters into the familia), and I did a little pre-partying with Mona and Jennifer. Can I tell you how much I adore Mona and Jenn? They are seriously my “roll-dawgs 4 life.” They are always down to party and get crazy. On Friday night, I met up with Mona and we kept it chill. We went to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop in Arroyo Grande and then spent the rest of the night watching TV at her house in Guadalupe. The next morning, Mona cooked me breakfast and then we ventured into Santa Maria to go shopping at our favorite spot, Fashion Max. It’s a Santa Maria staple where you can find inexpensive clothes for going out. Kinda like Forever 21, except more ghetto. I can always find something there and for not a lot of money. After the mall, we decided we needed to get our nails done, so we went to this nail place across the street. Mona got acrylic nails, but I opted for the simpler manicure. For only $11, you can’t say no. A little, old Asian man gave me my manicure. The arm/hand massage they give as part of the manicure is worth the $11 already, but the rest of the manicure was just as nice. I went with a red color that actually ended up matching my Blackberry almost exactly.

After we got out nails done, we stopped at Rite-Aid to grab some champagne to gift to Jennifer. Jennifer was in the process of moving out of her apartment and moving in with her boyfriend, Eric, on Saturday, and we felt bad that we weren’t helping her move. Champagne makes up for it, I think. So we made the drive up to SLO and met Jenn at her apartment in time to help her with the last stage of moving (packing up her car and putting stuff in her storage unit). Afterwards, we grabbed dinner at Mondeo’s (one of my favorite restaurants in SLO), and then starting getting ready for our night out. I wore the new shirt I picked up at Fashion Max earlier in the day. We met up at Eric’s apartment and cracked open the bottle of champagne. Seeing as Jenn was in the process of moving in to an apartment filled with boys, all we had to drink out of were Slurpee Cups. That’s right, we drank Korbel out of Slurpee cups. So classy. Just like Mona, Jenn, and myself. Then it was off to downtown. Our first stop was Downtown Brew (DTB), where Mona bought me a Tokyo Tea. It wasn’t too good, so I only drank about half of it. I think we were there for about half an hour dancing before we got a text message from Jenn’s friend, Q, to meet him at The Library (a bar). No matter how many times I go to “the bars” in SLO, we always end up at The Library. Jennifer bought me a beer at The Library for my birthday because I was already feeling the drink I had at DTB. I guess the pre-drinking of champagne caught up with me. Either way, by the end of the night, I was ready to go.

My Roll-Dawgs

My growing family

We stopped at Eric’s house to rest a bit before heading to Pismo Beach for the crossover. The ceremony went smoothly and it was cool to meet the newest generation of sisters. My family grew once again. One of Evelyn’s other little sisters gained a new little sister. It was cool to take pictures of the whole family—it’s rare that we all get together (because we’re so big!). The party afterward was pretty mild. The next morning, a bunch of us got together in SLO for breakfast at Margie’s Diner. Tasty food. Evelyn, myself, and Maria finally got on the road around 12:30pm to head back to So Cal. I was pretty tired from the trip back. I was relieved to get home. I took a hot shower, threw on my PJs, and spent the rest of the day on the couch with Fernando watching the Superbowl and the new episode of The Office afterwards. When The Office was over, I said goodnight to Fernando and I’m pretty sure I was asleep before 9pm!

This week has been okay. Things are still really slow at work, which makes doing the work of two people not that challenging. I’m trying not to stress out too much about the future of my company. I know the owner would be really devastated if we had to shut things down. The business is his brain child. Still—if they have to let another person go, I’m pretty sure I’ll be the next to go. Even though I’ve been here longer than our bookkeeper, no one can do what our bookkeeper does. My boss knows how to do all the things I do—and even though I know she’d be beyond busy doing my job, the administrative jobs, and her job, she’d be able to do it. Even though I hate my job—I need it for the health benefits, so please send good thoughts/vibes/prayers my way (or my company’s way).

So my birthday was yesterday and my Blackberry was blowing up with calls, texts, Myspace Comments, and Facebook comments. Thanks to any and all of you who wished me a happy birthday. I didn’t pressure myself into thinking I had to have fun on my birthday, so I wasn’t disappointed by the lack of fun. I worked, Fernando went to school, I tutored, I did a little shopping, and I watched LOST and Top Chef. Fernando came home with a tiny little container of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia ice cream with a candle in it, as well as a card, and my gift. All three seasons of Three Sheets on DVD. I’m so psyched about my gift. It was exactly what I wanted.

So now I’m just focusing on closing out the week. Neda is supposed to stop by for a visit on Friday to check out our new house. On Saturday, I will sleep in, then do a little bit of shopping (I have some birthday coupons to use), and then prepare for dinner with the family at Buca di Beppo. Sunday morning, Fernando and I will be waking up super early to pack and leave for San Francisco. Our flight leaves LAX around 9am, so we need to get to Van Nuys flyaway early enough to park, catch the tram, and check-in for our flight.

I’m so stoked for my birthday trip. Kenia has helped me plan a weekend full of fun activities. I can’t wait!!

~LOVE~

25 Random Things About Random Me

I posted this on Facebook, but here it is again:

1. I have been writing in journals/diaries since I was in 4th grade. I started "online journaling" back in high school. I have journals and blogs sprinkled all over the internet. Try to find them!

2. I graduated from Cal Poly, SLO with a bachelor's degree in English with Honors. I looooooooved being an English major, but my degree is pretty much useless since I don't want to be a teacher.

3. I'm in the process of applying to grad school at Cal State Long Beach. The program I'm trying to get into is master's in counseling. The name of my concentration is "Student Development in Higher Education." My dream job would be to be the Greek Advisor to an entire university.

4. I'm a sister of Sigma Omega Nu--I'm about to celebrate my 6 year anniversary as a sister. I've met my friends for life through the organization. I have an amazing big sister, two wonderful little sisters, four of the most incredible line sisters (You shouldda been a LAMBDA!), two pledge classes full of bad-ass pledge-babies (FXis and HFMS), and tons more amazing sister-friends.

5. I've already met my soul-mate. I got lucky because I met him back when I was just 18. We got married on October 21st, 2006 and life has been so great since then. I laugh everyday because of him.

6. I think some of the greatest inventions of all time are DVRs and Blackberrys.

7. When I get bored, I tend to online shop. It's a bad habit.

8. I'm a self-taught wine expert.

9. I would LOVE to go to bartending school.

10. If I won the lotto, the first thing I would buy is an RV.

11. I love animals, especially cats. The only reason I'm not a crazy cat lady already is because my husband is allergic to cats. That's okay. We have a chinchilla named Chipotle. She's a total bitch, but I love her anyways.

12. I currently have no desire to have children. I mean, yeah, I want children, but not NOW. Get back to me in 3 years.

13. I just bought a house--it's pretty dope. I hope to host all my friends and family there at some point. We have two guest bedrooms and I'm decorating them so our guests feel like they are on vacation when they visit. Like at a B&B or hotel.

14. Most people don't know that I love rap and hip-hop music, but I do. It's all I have on my iPod. I especially love older rap/hip-hop. I love me some Dr. Dre, Warren G, Nate Dogg, Snoop Dogg, etc . . .

15. I have always secretly wanted to be a barista at Starbucks.

16. I worked at Magic Mountain for about five years off and on while in high school and college. I hated my job, but loved my co-workers at Six Flags Photo Service. I have such fond memories of working there and all the friends I made. Saturday night pizza parties, goofing off in second booth, Lava Monster, etc . . . fun times. Photos ARE better than funnel cake.

17. I'm not a very good cook, but I make awesome spaghetti.

18. I grew up in a "low fat/low cal" household. So I prefer non-fat Ranch dressing to the full-fat kind (the full-fat kind basically makes me want to barf). I also prefer margarine to butter. I can feel the fat coating my tongue. Oh, the same goes for whole and skim milk. Whole milk can suck it.

19. I eat a Lean Cusine for lunch pretty much everyday--not because I'm on a diet or anything--just because I have a really short lunch break, and they are easy to cook and tasty to eat and MUCH cheaper than eating out.

20. I tutor privately during the week. I have two really great clients. I love my "night job."

21. I've been an extra in three movies--Boys and Girls, Little Nicky, and Rat Race. When I got Freddie Prinze Jr's autograph, I gave it away to my best friend, Neda. When I got Seth Green's autograph, I gave it away to my friend Ann. But when I got Adam Sandler's autograph, I kept it for myself. Actually, he signed two things for me--his comedy CD, "What The Hell Happened to Me?" and my VHS copy of "SNL: The Best of Adam Sandler."

22. I LOVE stand-up comedy. Most of my celebrity crushes and favorite comedians got their start in stand-up.

23. I know a lot of useless trivia. It's kinda my trademark. So much so that I have to "maintain" my body of knowledge by DVRing Jeopardy everyday, as well as The Cash Cab.

24. I cut coupons regularly and I join internet mailing lists all the time so I get lots of coupons and special offers. I very rarely buy things without a coupon.

25. My guilty pleasure is reading wedding-related blogs. I probably look at more wedding blogs these days than when I was planning my own wedding. I think about starting my own event planning business occassionally (J. Star Productions), but mostly satisfy my desire by planning my own parties or parties for my friends.

~LOVE~

When Does This End?

My officemate got laid off today. She was our administrative assistant. Essentially, she took on all my old duties after I got promoted. While I did find her annoying on a personal level, I'm really sad for her. She really needed this job. She was still living at home (she graduated high school the same year as me) and was getting back into classes at COC.

Since business has slowed way down, I think that I will be able to manage both my old administrative duties, as well as my newer "Operations" duties, but I still feel down about her loss.

Her getting laid off followed an announcement a couple weeks ago that we all had to take temporary 10% pay-cuts. I have not been given word as to whether I will get that 10% back now that I'm gonna do the work of two people. Hopefully, I do.

We make our first house payment on February 1st!

~LOVE~

Stainless

I think I already mentioned that Fernando and I went ahead and bought a new, Frigidaire stove for our kitchen in stainless steel. We got it through his job at Pacific Sales and we're getting a nice little discount on it.

Our stove

Well, we also needed a new dishwasher, so we were thinking about getting this one Bosch dishwasher that was on sale at Fernando's work, but I balked at the handle because it didn't match the handle on the stove we just bought. So Fernando worked it out for us to get the matching Frigidaire dishwasher. Still a good price through his work.

Our dishwasher--so sleek

Notice the matching handle

So, I was content. The dishwasher and stove were stainless and they matched. All was right with the world. Well--almost. Our old refrigerator was white, but I was happy with just "making it work" until we had more money saved up. Our "old" fridge is actually only as old as our marriage (just over two years), so it works great and looks fine. Then Fernando sent me a text message yesterday telling me that he could get a great deal on the matching Frigidaire refrigerator if we bought all three pieces together. For about $2000, we're getting the fridge, the stove, and the dishwasher--all matching. The price includes extended warranties and delivery. Also, through Fernando's work, we're financing them interest free for 18 months, which means if we pay just $120 a month for the next 18 months, we'll pay them off with no interest. Also, we're getting a $200 rebate from Frigidaire, and the electric company will also give us a credit since the fridge is an EnergyStar appliance. Not bad at all. I told Fernando, "How can we say no?" and the deal was done.

The coup de grace-our new fridge

Our stove was already delivered last week and we're getting the dishwasher and refrigerator delivered on Saturday! I believe we will be handing the old fridge down to Fernando's mom, who probably couldn't afford a new fridge on her own. At least we know a person who really needs it is getting it.

With those deliveries, our kitchen will pretty much be complete. We finished lining the cabinets and unpacking all our dishes last night. Since we've upgraded to a bigger kitchen, there are actually a lot of cabinets that are empty, but I suppose that's what upgrading and home ownership is all about--finding a bigger place for all the new crap you will accumulate in life. Fun.
~LOVE~

Our Kitchen

We probably did the most work in our kitchen--we demo'd pretty much every wall and hung new drywall, we bought a new, stainless steel oven/range and a new, stainless steel dishwasher, we sanded, primed, and painted the cabinets Behr's "Olivine," as well as added all new brushed nickel and chrome hardware, we laid tile, we installed a new window, and we have plans for a new light fixture. In the distant future, we'd like to redo the counters with granite, and put up a new backsplash in either mosaic glass tile or subway tile. That's in the DISTANT future though. In true Jessica fashion, I had to create a mood board for the kitchen as well (no room will go unplanned!). Check it out:

The design scheme for this room was inspired by the olive green color I chose for the cabinets and the stainless steel we chose for the hardware on the cabinets and the appliances. I call it "Contemporary European Bistro." The modern elements are the stainless steel appliances, hardware, and accessories and the idea to do pendant lights. The European infleuneces will come in with the artwork and type of activities we will use the kitchen for. I love to entertain--I love wine, dirty martinis, sitting around and sipping coffee with friends, and I love the idea of Spanish tapas or appetizers and drinks. I want to display my wine bottles and assorted glassware. I've been collecting corks from wine bottle since I got married, and I do eventually plan to craft my own wreath out of corks. Finally, I'm pretty sure I'd like to go with a smaller, counter height table in a dark wood color. Fernando and I rarely eat at the table (we generally set out the TV trays and watch Jeopardy together for dinner), so this would be more for looks and occassionally entertaining freinds. The added height from a counter height table will allow guests to see the TV in our living room while they are seated and enjoying food and drinks. Oh, and a lazy susan in the middle of the table will make it easier for sharing all those tasty tapas!

~LOVE~

Two More

Living Room

This is the mood board for our large living room. Since our house doesn't have a fireplace, we have a lot of room to work with. The main inspiration for this room is "Cupidon" by Bougereau. I became transfixed by his painting--isn't it gorgeous? The couch you see in the upper-lefthand corner is the couch we ordered from Overstock.com. It's tan chenille (super soft). The walls are painted a soft, sky blue color. To set off the tan couch and blue walls, I want to go with a soft green for extra chairs in the main sitting area. I'm feeling more of a tug towards a chocolate brown rug (since the tile in the living room is light). I think the darker rug will really outline the sitting area and make it more cozy. If I go with a dark rug, I want a light colored "cocktail ottoman." The couch we ordered doesn't have recliners, so we need a place to put our feet up. To tie all the soft colors together, I want modern silver lamps and lots of candles and glass candle holders. Finally, at some point in the future, I want to replace the sliding glass doors with French doors, and will cover them up with sheer curtains to allow all the natural sunlight to float through. We don't really need privacy curtains since our backyard faces a hill.

Home Office

This is the mood board for our home office, which is the first room you really seen when you enter our house. I have always loved the combination of yellow and gray, so I went with it. Since this is space that Fernando and I will share, it can't be too feminine, so I'm sticking with a fairly heavy-handed contemporary feel. I'm pretty sure I'll be buying that L-shaped desk from IKEA--it's perfect. Modern and spacious. Enough room for our computer, as well as writing desk space. I want two different chairs. A black leather one for Fernando, and a softer one for me in white or yellow. We want to do a reading nook as well--a comfy chair with an ottoman. I want one entire wall to be taken up with bookcases for that "built-in" look. The art on the walls will be sitting on "floating" shelves. I want to have one of my architect friends draw a pencil sketch of our house from the outside, so we can frame it and mount it in there. And as a bonus, it becomes a lovely family heirloom. We can always remember our first home, no matter where we may roam.

~LOVE~